#my500words: Dear you

I'm just on my third #my500words post and it feels like I don't know what to write anymore (haha!) I really don't want to read my last posts because I might end up doing more tweaks which is not part of this personal challenge.

Anyway, I got an idea from a post I saw on tumblr. There's this certain blogger who writes short notes to people close to her, sometimes strangers but the catch is it doesn't have a name. There's no clue of who she is talking about. It's like the letters we write on our diary but this time it is posted online and that person is unknown...

It's like letting all your feelings out.

So, I'm going to do it too.

Phew.

#1
Hey, I know that you are having a hard time right now. You have so many questions on what is happening and I know that we all push you to be braver, stronger, and mature enough to tell the truth. I'm really concerned about you. It feels like you decided to be a mature person about this matter but you still can't swallow your pride. I'm afraid that something bad might happen to you just because of your selfishness. Why can't you just tell the truth? I know it is not easy but you have to remember that the clock is ticking and this is not something that you can hide forever. I don't know what to do with you anymore! Please? Please? Please? tell them now! Please?

#2
I never thought someone like you really existed. You are such a douche bag.. You fucking jerk. Whenever I remember your name, all I think about is jerk! jerk! jerk! *ssh*le. Ugh! How can you let something happen so easily and then deny it afterwards. Someday, when everything will fall into place, I hope the time will come that you realize the things that you did. I hope when the right time comes, you'll regret the day that you saved yourself and even used God's name in vain. I know that not everything is your fault but when I read all your messages... I cried because you made someone so important to me feel like trash. When the truth is you are the crap. (I'm sorry to say this and I'll probably regret this but, I just don't care right now.) I just hope these things that you've done will not happen to anyone close to you. and one last thing, Stop! saying that you are a changed person.. because you are not!

#3
Thank you for opening yourself up to me. You rather keep everything to yourself and does not build a lot of relationships because you're just not that kind of person. I'm happy whenever you tell me stories about you because I know that you trust me enough to tell me those things. Last year was the time that I learned to build a wall and limit myself to people who knows me best. It was surprising that I gained a new friend in you. Thank you. Thank you for helping me whenever I don't know what to do especially when I was the new girl. Thank you for teaching me to be a less worrier.

#4
This is something I know I will laugh whenever I got the chance to read again in the future. But what the hell, I just want to say it.

My daydreams are often about you and me meeting somewhere far from home. I even imagine myself being disappointed because the you in my dreams is very far from the you in real life. And then, I go back to that night of the gig when you smile that genuine smile...  And *poof*here goes the daydreamer again. Don't worry I don't imagine my future with you, I'm old enough to realize that you are just a crush -- a super crush!

#5
You'll be fine. Just don't ever give up on your dreams. One step at a time. :) You'll get there.



Wow!!! I enjoyed this.. Maybe I should do this more often! :)

#my500words: First

So, yes! It is one of my goals to improve my writing this year.
I even bought a planner that I can also use as a  journal so I will not have an excuse not to write anything. I promised myself that this time I will not edit myself (so much).

I've been very conscious of my writing ever since some stranger criticized my post on her own blog without even informing me of what she did. At that time, I was on my lowest and to discover something like that is like you're telling me that I will never be good enough. It was also the time when someone said that I write too blog-ish.. but I know that the write-up given to me is something worthy of that "tone" for that certain article... I was so pathetic at that time that I believed everyone who says that I'm not good enough.

I allowed them to let me down which is so stupid of me. Then, after all those pathetic things I tell myself, I just woke up one day that maybe they are right about my writing (for now) but I realized that they will never be right forever. I barely remember that stranger's blog but I will never forget the day I told myself that when the time comes that I will be good enough, I will never ever do the mean things that was done to me to others.

I will also try to do free writing (which is what I am doing now and maybe for the rest of my blog posts the next days) as much as possible to avoid my "write a little. edit. write more. edit. edit. haven't finished this write up because I edit so much" routine in everything I write (but of course I will not do free writing in the articles I write for work!)

This 2014, it feels like I really wanted to live for myself more. I am really excited for this year because I realized that when you've done something that you thought is very hard to do and you suddenly do it.. Oh my gosh, I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm just saying all of this because I don't want to edit myself so bare with me. LOL

So? what do I really want to say?! I can't really put it into words....
but I remember the quote from John Green's book --Paper Towns.

“It is so hard to leave—until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.” 

I remember that last year was the year when I felt that I have been the bravest. 

All my life, I know that I am the kind of person who will never leave something  just because I just want to,  I'm burnt out, I got fed up, and I'm just tired of everything... If I can suck it up until the very end, I will.  But then again, people get tired and sometimes you just let go... and leave. and I DID! I can't explain the feeling into words but it was one of the best that I've felt.

It's like holding on to something for so long and then you let go, it hurts but I felt lighter. 

I remember how I cried because I felt like I've let go of my dreams but then I realized that I'm still holding on to those dreams... I just have to take a different road but I will still arrive on the same finish line.